Originally Posted: Thursday, July 26, 2007
A.N.T.'s Addicted To What. . .
Hello. My name is A.N.T. . . . and I think I'm addicted to McDonalds food.
Okay well not like literally addicted . . not yet anyway. But I think there is some potential here... you know enough to have me a little concerned thus the reason why I'm writing a fuckin' blog about it. I first realized it when me and Vin were in the truck working, I think it was like Monday of this past week. That radio commercial came on, the one about "pick the quarter pounder or big mac" and the guy is like "I can't choose" or some such shit like that. I dunno but fuck, I could choose . . . I pick both. So anyway later that day I'm working with my Dad and we stopped real quick at the local golden arches to grab something on the go. Yours truly orders a Big Mac (got some fries and a root beer with it in case you were wondering). I swear to friggin' Allah . . . possibly the best Big Mac and fries I've ever had. Pause. But seriously it was pretty fuckin' good. Fast forward a couple of days... Its Wednesday. Me and Vin are on our Lock Haven route. We're hungry. We have some time to kill. What do we do? That's right, got lunch at McDonatellos (Italian for McDonalds). What do I order... you ask? A fuckin' Big Mac! Some fries and a beer of root to go along with it! Oh yeah I should mention that both times I ordered I really wanted to go with the Quarter Pounder w/ cheese along with the Big Mac . . . but I didn't have the balls to do it. I mean having the McShits while you gotta work is not fun. Repeat. Not. Fun.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .*25 minutes later* . . . . . Whoa, so you wanna hear a freaky story real quick? Good cuz I'm gonna tell you one. As I was writing that last line before all of those annoying periods with spaces in between. . . I had a shit attack (possibly a .7 on the shitector scale). It was a rough one with no warning signs. After attempting to swallow the duke I realized that I couldn't and had to break out my room and make a dash to the bathroom. Thankfully, I made it. Dropped the kids off at the pool and now I'm back. Pretty freaky story though, right? I mean, as I write about getting the shits I end up getting one of the worse shit attacks of the decade so far . . nearly making me Benoit everyone in my path to the sacred throne of man. . . . Anyway back to what I was saying . . . . alright so I forget what I was saying and I'm feelin' too lazy to scroll up and read where I left off before that story. So I'll end it here.
Sike. I almost ended this blog like David Chase ended the Sopranos... Leaving everyone all like "What the heck? That's it?". But I'll finish . . . So I have McDonald's food two times this week and coupled with my cravings for another Big Mac w/ fries and a root beer, I'm a little worried that I'm becoming addicted. Okay so maybe I'm pushing the panic button a little too soon being that two times in one week isn't that bad compared to some fat fucks... err I mean "people" out there. But remember this is a guy that barely, if ever, ate that kind of food, barely ever hits up the goodie/snack cupboard, rarely drinks soda or eats fast food, etc. So while two times a week might be a drastic improvement for some heifers out there, for me its a drastic deprovement (yeah, I'm making up words and shit now cuz I can - hell, its my blog... get off my back about it).
OK time to end it.
Real quick here's some other addictions I had/have:
~Excedrin -- It was kinda serious. Lasted a month or five. I was poppin' "X" as we called it on the skreets like they were skittles. All "yo, I think I gots a headache... hold on, let me check right quick... yeah I gots one. Let me get two of dem 'Xses'." Notice the ghetto talk - my addiction to "X" went to my head a little bit so yeah . . I briefly went hood.
~Grain Alcohol -- Semi serious. It only lasted one night. Thats about all I needed with that shit.
~Strip Clubs -- Very serious. Still in progress. Been an addict since turning 18 years of age 4 years ago. Strip Clubs are my sanctuary. I love them bitches. Ladies and gents . . . don't knock it 'til you try it. That's all I'm gonna say about that.
~Lost (the show on TV) -- I don't know why. I mean, sometimes its not even that good but other times its like damn, I'm not trying to wait a whole other week to see what happens. You know? Shit got me hooked though.
~Me -- Do you blame me? This shit is 4 life like Hollywood Hogan in NWO. YA KNOW?