First off, let me wish everyone a Happy Easter.... Happy Easter, readers. It was a quadrillion years ago that Jesus, on this day, resurrected himself from his grave to prove just how much of a bad ass he actually is.
For today's blog post, I was thinking about sharing a story with you about a nightmare I had as a child involving the Easter Bunny... Or actually it was a guy dressed up as the Easter Bunny and he was trying to break into my house. BUT. . . I'm just gonna keep it simple and share an Easter conversation that my twin bro and I had via text messaging:
A.N.T. : Happy Easter [cuss word] get your ass up if it aint already.
Vin : lol I was just texting you. I won't make it by 3. I have to go to the store to get eggs and milk. Tell mom for me. Happy Easter Bitch!
A.N.T. : OK
Vin : Thats what I thought.
A.N.T. : I guess the ham got burnt. We're gonna be having cereal instead for Easter dinner.
Vin : lol did the ham really get burnt?
A.N.T. : Na but I'm charging a quarter a slice.
Vin : lol well I got a whole bag of quarters reserve me the entire ham.
A.N.T. : First come, first serve. Your late... probably ain't gonna be shit left by the time you guys get here. Looks like your stopping at Sheetz [a mini mart] on the way back.
Vin : lol
A.N.T. : Mom said don't worry about making the cake.
Vin : Too late.
A.N.T. : OK
Vin : I'll bring the icing and do that at the house.
A.N.T. : Do whatever you want. I ain't eating that shit.
Vin : Fuck you aint.
A.N.T. : Matter of fact. I'm going to the cell block[dance club in williamsport]... so I'll be dancing by the time you get here.
Vin : lol you dance machine.
A.N.T. : Yea, scratch that.... I can't find my glow sticks and whistle.
Vin : lol use mine.
A.N.T. : I traded yours for Easter candy.
Vin : lol did you have to find your Easter basket?
A.N.T. : lol I'm grown. I don't do that shit anymore.
Vin : I had Miranda [his gf] looking for her's this morning.
A.N.T. : That's gay.
Vin : lol not really but I should have.
A.N.T. : I'm gonna wear all white today.
Vin : Really, what are you wearing?
A.N.T. : Polo with a sweater tied around my neck and some khakis.
Vin : lol no your not but that would be freaking funny.
A.N.T. : lol na I dont know what I'm wearing... prolly just a beater, some shorts, and my dodger hat.
Vin : lol For real bitch?
A.N.T. : Actually I really don't know. When in doubt go with Romo [football jersey] so yea...
Vin : lol your gay.
A.N.T. : Na I don't think anyone is dressing up. At least I know Moms isn't... she's walking around with a 40oz in her pajamas and bath robe.
Vin : lol ok cool
A.N.T. : Seriously though.
Vin : She's got a 40?
A.N.T. : No but she's wearing a big puffy dress drinking strawberry daiquiri's
Vin : So am I.... thats so weird.
A.N.T. : lol you leave yet?
Vin : Maybe... maybe not.... closer to maybe not.
A.N.T. : Well get here fast before Mom gets trashed. I'm not trying to have to sit through eating while she's being all emotional.
Vin : lol ok I'm hurrying.
A.N.T. : OK drive safe though.
Vin : I'll try.
~Ten mintues later~
A.N.T. : Just a heads up... I look sexy. So if you want to beat me your gonna have to bring your A game.
Vin : lol I'm just wearing a sweater and jeans. That should do it.
A.N.T. : I made a man bikini out of plastic Easter egg shells... got a couple of them huge ones and stuffed my junk in 'em.
Vin : lol